I just watched the new version of Day of the Dead…

On balance not a bad movie. I’d call it worth the time
if you have an hour and a half to kill and like zombie flicks.

But I have a few gripes…

What idiot decided that zombies/ghouls are supposed
to have super human speed, strength, and reflexes? They’re
supposed to be the living dead… Rigor mortise, postmortem
lividity, a distinct lack of reflexes, and a case of B.O. that Right
Guard can’t hide. Oh yes, and that shambling around looking
for someone to have for a light snack.

In all the older books and movies zombies were always fairly
slow and easy to deal with, just walk at a brisk pace and leave
them in the dust. Or if you were inclined, give their head a new
sun roof… Unless they got into a mob and then you needed
serious fire power to get them out of the way.

But oh no, not anymore, not after ‘28 Days Later’. No we get to
see zombies doing marathon sprints for the nearest walking
snack bar or in the new version of Day of the Dead we get to
see a few doing pretty good Spiderman impressions by
clinging to ceilings and walls. Maybe it’s time for a new
super hero… Zombieman, taking a bite out of crime! (LITERALLY!!!)

Of course they had to stop by the local gun shop to pick up
hardware to augment the whole two pistols that the army issued
them. Pistols, shotguns and a full auto Uzi and Mac 10. Why yes, all
local gun shops have Class 3 firearms just sitting around in case
someone has the sudden need of them. Naturally our heroes took the
time to load the magazines… and didn’t bother to grab any extra
ammo or clips. However, they did pick up a really cool machete that was
used two or maybe even three times before the person carrying it
became a zombie snack.

And next we have Bud the Zombie… In the original he
was just another lab rat that turned out to have remembered
that he had once been a solider. In the current one he is a
soldier that got nipped and turned into a zombie lusting after
his superior’s butt… Just watch the movie and try not to
laugh too hard at that.

In the old Whatever of the Living Dead movies no explanation
is ever given for exactly how or why there were undead wandering
the world. Now they have decided to make it a bio-warfare
agent gone awry. Social commentary maybe or just a weak
plot device to explain something that doesn’t really need
explaining?

One thing they used that I am uncertain of is the way the
living become the unliving. Instead of actually dropping dead
they simple sit or lie in a momentary state of paralysis and
their eyes turn cloudy and then off they dash looking to turn
their former friends and family into an all you can eat buffet.
On the bright side, at least they don’t have them literally coming
out of the grave.

It’s four in the morning, I was bored and wanted to write something
so this is what you get stuck with reading.