Salmon Hash

Please read the entire recipe before starting.

One can red Sockeye Salmon--No Pink!! Sm. or lg. can to taste
1 1/2 stack of saltine crackers (crumbled)
3 Tablespoons butter
Yellow mustard
Milk
Pepper

Drain Salmon (save liquid). Clean salmon of skin. Melt butter
in skillet, stir in crackers, and brown, add about 2 1/2 cups milk
to skillet. Add mustard to saved liquid to taste, (takes a fair amount!!).
Add liquid and salmon to skillet, stirring often, cook uncovered until
evenly bubbling. More milk may be need. Pepper to taste and serve
over buttered toast.

Credit to MorningMist for this reciepe

I just watched the new version of Day of the Dead…

On balance not a bad movie. I’d call it worth the time
if you have an hour and a half to kill and like zombie flicks.

But I have a few gripes…

What idiot decided that zombies/ghouls are supposed
to have super human speed, strength, and reflexes? They’re
supposed to be the living dead… Rigor mortise, postmortem
lividity, a distinct lack of reflexes, and a case of B.O. that Right
Guard can’t hide. Oh yes, and that shambling around looking
for someone to have for a light snack.

In all the older books and movies zombies were always fairly
slow and easy to deal with, just walk at a brisk pace and leave
them in the dust. Or if you were inclined, give their head a new
sun roof… Unless they got into a mob and then you needed
serious fire power to get them out of the way.

But oh no, not anymore, not after ‘28 Days Later’. No we get to
see zombies doing marathon sprints for the nearest walking
snack bar or in the new version of Day of the Dead we get to
see a few doing pretty good Spiderman impressions by
clinging to ceilings and walls. Maybe it’s time for a new
super hero… Zombieman, taking a bite out of crime! (LITERALLY!!!)

Of course they had to stop by the local gun shop to pick up
hardware to augment the whole two pistols that the army issued
them. Pistols, shotguns and a full auto Uzi and Mac 10. Why yes, all
local gun shops have Class 3 firearms just sitting around in case
someone has the sudden need of them. Naturally our heroes took the
time to load the magazines… and didn’t bother to grab any extra
ammo or clips. However, they did pick up a really cool machete that was
used two or maybe even three times before the person carrying it
became a zombie snack.

And next we have Bud the Zombie… In the original he
was just another lab rat that turned out to have remembered
that he had once been a solider. In the current one he is a
soldier that got nipped and turned into a zombie lusting after
his superior’s butt… Just watch the movie and try not to
laugh too hard at that.

In the old Whatever of the Living Dead movies no explanation
is ever given for exactly how or why there were undead wandering
the world. Now they have decided to make it a bio-warfare
agent gone awry. Social commentary maybe or just a weak
plot device to explain something that doesn’t really need
explaining?

One thing they used that I am uncertain of is the way the
living become the unliving. Instead of actually dropping dead
they simple sit or lie in a momentary state of paralysis and
their eyes turn cloudy and then off they dash looking to turn
their former friends and family into an all you can eat buffet.
On the bright side, at least they don’t have them literally coming
out of the grave.

It’s four in the morning, I was bored and wanted to write something
so this is what you get stuck with reading.

Webmaster tools from the major search engines

A new webmaster may not be aware that the major
search engines offer some extra tools that they might
find useful. As a general rule you only need to have
registered an account with them previously. In all cases
listed here a simple email account with them will allow
you access to the tools.

Google offers their Webmasters tools which are quite
comprehensive although I have observed that the
results they give you in regard to your site will wildly
fluctuate.*

*Please note: This is only my experience, it may be
different with your site(s).

Yahoo! offers their Site Explorer. It doesn’t seem to
offer quite as many controls and options as Google’s
but their results seem to be a bit more stable and
they do let you see when your pages were last
indexed by their searchbots, very handy if you have
been updating pages and want to know if the updates
have been indexed.

MSN offer their Webmaster Tools as well. It would seem
to still be in it’s Beta form so I can’t really tell what
features it will have when it is finished and operational.
However, I will say what I saw was impressive and should
be fairly useful.

In all cases you will need to validate your site by either
included a meta tag or by uploading a file to you site’s
root directory. Personally, I find uploading the file to
be the simplest and quickest option.*

*Note: Google and Yahoo! will provide you with a
pre-generated XML file that you can upload. MSN
however provides you with a file name and an HTML
code to make the file yourself. It is fairly simple and
painless. Open a notepad and copy the code to it
and save the file using the file name they provide.
Under Windows you will need to select Save As
and select All Files in order to save the file as an
XML.

The Long Road Part One

Ok, I know I've been dragging my feet on this for
a while now. So here is the first part of it.

How many parts will it have? That's a good question...

Please note: This is a story in progress so it may be
subject to revisions before it is finished.




The old dwarf stood behind the bar polishing a pewter tankard
with a rag just to keep himself busy while he waited for the next
order for drinks. He surveyed the roadside inn's patrons with a
the practiced eye of both an experienced barkeeper and ex-adventurer.
The scattering of patrons huddled in the common room to escape the
fury of the storm that had started the night before ad had raged
through the entire day and had shown no sign of letting up yet. Grund,
the old dwarf, seeing no one in immediate need of drinks carried on
his routine of polishing already clean mugs when the door flew open
forced open by winds driving rain and four scruffy looking men. He
eyed them with slight disgust as he noticed their lack decorum as they
shook the rain from their filthy cloaks splashing several nearby tables
and their occupants with water.

"Close the door will, ye?!", he shouted to make himself heard. One
of the ruffians eyed the dwarf sourly but complied with his request.
The weathered oak door shut with a loud thud as the mangy looking
human fought the wind to close it. The biggest of them, presumably
their leader, approached the bar, "Four mugs o' beer, barkeep and be
quick about it! Me an' the boys got caught in the damn storm for the
last half day! And tell the kitchen to fetch us some food, don' care
what jus' as long it's hot.", he said with little regard to politeness. Grund
nodded and drew four mugs of beer after sticking his head into the
kitchen to call for the food.

He frowned to himself, I retired fifty years ago to open this place
and this is the kind I have to put up with?, he grumbled to himself.
Grund was well over two-hundred years old and had seen many
things in his long life but was always at a loss when it came to human
behavior. On balance most of them were decent enough but when he
saw ones like these he had to wonder how they got from living like the
savages in the southern jungles and barbarians of the far north to being
able to build vast cities and empires. After a moments thought he gave
a cord a gentle pull the draw the attention of his inn's "peacekeeper" just
to be on the safe side.

Geoff heard the small bell ring twice and grunted to himself. "Time
to earn my keep.", he mumbled under his breath. He and the dwarf
had long since agreed upon a system to alert him to any possible
troublemakers in the small inn. He checked his belt to make sure
his cudgel wasn't going to snag if he needed it quickly. "Cudgel" was
an understatement, a three foot long club made of iron wood banded
with iron and studded with solid brass. In Geoff's hands it looked like
little more than a small baton as he stood six and a half feet tall and
weighed around two hundred and fifty pounds. Most of the time Geoff
made himself useful lifting and carrying heavy loads around the inn or
acting as a guard when Grund needed to send a wagon out for fresh
supplies in the nearby town. He stepped in the common room and no
one really noticed him until he sat down at the bar on a stool Grund had
made just for his large frame, even with the reinforcements added to it
the stool creaked noticeably under his weight. Grund drew a mug of beer
and slid it to his waiting hand. He didn't have to ask who he was looking
for, a blind man could have found them by their stench alone.

One of the inn's most recent guest, an elf maid, made her way
down the stairs when she spotted the four new arrivals. She curled
her lip at the smell she caught from them even thirty feet away. She
moved to the a table near the common room's fireplace and seated
herself waiting for one of the serving girls to take her order. One of
the girls came over and she requested a glass of white wine and asked
about supper. The girl returned shortly with her wine and told it would
be a little while before her food would be ready. She nodded in thanks
and sipped her wine looking about the room from her vantage point.
She had met the inn's bouncer when she arrived last night and noticed
him sitting at the bar keeping a casual eye on the four at the center table.
She wondered if he might not have a bit of barbarian blood flowing through
his veins, she had rarely seen humans his size and even more rarely had
seen humans that could move with his grace. Shortly her supper arrived
and she put such concerns out of her mind and turned her attention to her meal.

Geoff nursed his beer slowly to avoid becoming drunk, Grund
brewed the beer himself and made a potent drink. He noticed
the elf maid come down the stairs a moment after the four ruffians
had spotted her and followed her every move as she crossed the
room. He couldn't really blame them, she had a striking figure for an elf.
As long as she was a guest of the inn her safety was his responsibility.
Though he doubted she would be the kind that would need much
protecting, when she arrived last night she had had two finely crafted
swords at her belt and she moved like an experienced fighter. Even
now she wore two small daggers suspended from the back of her belt.
"More beer!", one of the ruffians called out to one of the serving girls.
She nodded and quickly moved to the bar to retrieve the tray Grund
was already setting fresh mugs of beer on. The girl delivered the fresh
beer and cleared away the empties as quickly as she could to avoid the
mens probing hands.

Grund grunted and muttered to Geoff, "What ye think, Geoff?".
Geoff cocked his head a bit so he could keep an eye on the four
men and look at Grund at the same time, "Don't know yet, Grund,
After the elf came down they seem more interested in her than
bothering the girls. I'll let one of them make a move before I step in
unless you'd prefer I chuck them out now and be done with it.", he
raised an eyebrow in question. The old dwarf thought a moment, the
four had already paid for the food and drinks and rooms for the night.
He was a dwarf and sorely disliked the idea of having to give money
back to anyone but the four looked like trouble. And he did have a
good reputation for a clean safe inn to maintain, four foul smelling
ruffians weren't worth losing that! "Ok," he said, "Ye let them make
the first move but try to keep it clean, Geoff, the last thing we need is
for good paying customers to have blood on the tables." Geoff nodded
in accord with the dwarf's wishes. He returned his full attention to the
common room then to keep an eye on them.

Over the next few hours various patrons of the came and went
from the common room the their rooms. A fat little merchant
from the deserts to the far west sat and drank brandy until he
teetered in his chair. A small troupe of adventurers met
at a corner table and drew up plans for their next "expedition"
while making good work of draining the latest keg to be tapped.
Two of Grund's regular suppliers sat at a table discussing trade
routes and sipping drinks on Grund's tab, it was his way of showing
his thanks for their reasonable prices. The elf maid had returned
to her room briefly to retrieve a small book and was sitting at her
table after her meal reading and smoking a small cigar, a strange
habit for an elf as most of them considered it an especially nasty
human or hobbit custom. Then there were a number of the inn's
regular patrons, a couple of local farmers that had been stuck here
waiting for the storm to pass complaining bitterly about what the
driving rains would likely be doing to their crops and a hunter who
had come in to trade some fresh meat for a few coins.

Geoff took this all in as he sat at the bar only once leaving the room
to relieve himself. So far other than giving the serving girls a pinch
or unwanted grab to the backside the four had contented themselves
to eat and drink. One thing had caught Geoff's eye as the elf had passed
him earlier, a tattoo on the right side of her neck just below her ear.
He recognized it because he had a similar tattoo on the inside of his
right arm near his wrist. The tattoo on the maid's neck marked her
as a captain of the Elven High Guard . He found himself less concerned
about her safety than he did the ruffian's own.

Ellori sat her table reading for sometime after she had thrown the
remains of her cigar into the fireplace. It had been her habit for
quite some time to read to unwind before bed and tonight was no
different to her. She hadn't missed the looks the four foul smelling
humans had given her earlier nor when she returned with the book.
A pity the fragrant cigar smoke couldn't have lingered longer , she
thought. Then a shadow blocked the light from the lamp in front of
the table, she looked up and saw the biggest of the four standing there
swaying slightly from too much drink. "Yes? Is there something you
want?" she asked in her most innocent voice, she had a feeling she
already knew, not many elven females were as statuesque her. She
heard uncouth laughter from the other three and saw a twisted smile
from the big one. "Oh yes, me lovely, we all want something." he slurred
as he stared blatantly at her bust. "I ain't never had me an elf before.
Ain't that right boys?" he practically bellowed to the other three. He
suddenly felt a meaty hand land on his shoulder and found himself
being none to gently turned around to face the huge bouncer. "As a
rule, we discourage people from soliciting "company" from other patrons."
Geoff said flatly, it wasn't really true the guests were welcomed to do as
they pleased as long as they didn't bother the other guests. "If you
are looking for female company, the inn does retain the services of a
number of companions. Upstairs but they charge their own fees." he
smiled when saying this as he doubted these louts had enough money
together to buy a clue let alone one of the high priced girls upstairs.

"Get yur bloody hands off me, you ape! Me business is with the
little elf bitch!" His slurred had deepened with anger Geoff noted.
He looked over the louts shoulder at the elf maid, "I don't think she
is interested." his tone left little doubt that his patience was wearing
thin. Geoff heard three chairs slide across the floor behind him and
frowned. It is never easy, he thought. "The three of you had best sit
back down before you fall down!" He said without turning around.
Naturally they didn't listen. A silvery blade appeared at the louts
throat, "Tend to them. I'll keep our "friend" here company for a bit."
Ellori said. Geoff smiled wolfishly and turned to take care of the other
three. His club came up and he it lightly rested on his shoulder, "You three
sure you want to do this?" He asked in a menacing tone. The other
three looked uncertainly at there leader for direction. He had his
own problems. Ellori's other dagger rose between his legs the point
was uncomfortably close to his privates as Ellori asked, "Never had
an elf "bitch" before? I can promise you the time of your life, as
short as it might be."

The three ruffians looked uncertain for a moment and did what
came naturally to their breed. They charged the big man all at
once. The first one's forehead met the club's butt face first and
fell to the floor stone cold. The other two pulled up as the club's
business end swept through clearing Geoff a bit of space. He raised
his eyebrows as though to ask, 'Which one of you wants it next?'.
One went low trying to take Geoff's legs out from under him as the
other grabbed a chair to swing as an impromptu club. The one that
went low might as well have tried to knock over an oak as he slammed
into the big man's thighs and practically bounced off. The club
came down to meet the back of his exposed head and two unconscious
bodies lay in the floor. The chair came in fast and hard as Geoff
brought his club up to block it, the chair all but shattered. Geoff
winced a little at this as he knew Grund would be upset. The final
ruffian dropped to his knees and threw his hands up in surrender.

About this time Grund came around the corner of the bar carrying
his old warhammer loosely in his hands as he took up vigil behind
the last man. The look on his face said he wanted the last one to do
something stupid. Shaking his head he looked to Geoff and the elf
maid and said, "Geoff, I was gonna give them a refund if you just had
to escort them out but now, No refund. Just chuck them out in the rain!"
"Miss if ye'd be so kind as to let that one go so Geoff can toss 'em out."
Ellori was almost having too much fun tormenting the biggest ruffian
with threats of serving him his own privates for breakfast as she heard
the old dwarf's request. "But of course good innkeeper, in fact I'll help
him. Come on you!", she lead her prisoner to the door with her blades
still firmly in place. The ruffian leader was torn between wanting to
whimper and scream in rage at his treatment. Geoff looked at the two
one the floor and shrugged as he grabbed the backs of their belts and
lifted them with no apparent strain as he ordered the third man off
his knees and to the door.

"Would you be so kind as to get the door, good merchant?" Ellori
asked the little westerner. He staggered a bit as he got up to open
the door and was nearly knocked flat as the door flew open from
the high winds. "Thank you.", she said lightly. "Out you go, scum!",
slipping her daggers from his throat and crotch planting a foot in his
lower back and gave him a good shove out the door. The surrendered
ruffian looked sour as he walked out the door and had to dodge his
two unconscious mates as Geoff tossed them out the door. He started
to close the door but remembered their cloaks and threw them after
them. "I would advise you not to come back.", he stated flatly. Pointing
a grimy finger at Ellori the leader of the band shouted, "This ain't over
elf bitch, we'll met on the road, I can bloody well promise you that!"
Grinning wickedly the elf maid said as she closed the door in their
faces, "I'm looking forward to it."

It was into the small hours of the morning as Geoff sat at the
table near the window watching the storm raging still. The inn's
patrons had all long since gone to their beds for the night. He lifted
his third mug since he sat down only to find it was empty, he
considered getting a fourth but decided against it. He sat the mug
down absently while looking out the window pondering his past.
He was fourty-six years old now and had traveled far and wide
in his life and he had seen much in his relatively short life. He gazed
at the elaborate tattoo on his wrist, he had received it some fifteen
years past after he had accepted a special commission from the
elves. Before that he had been a wandering ranger, he figured he
still was, just a ranger that wandered into an inn hadn't decided to
leave yet is all.

"Why am I still here? For that matter, How'd I end up a bouncer
anyway?", he asked himself aloud. He snorted and and shook his
head at his own questions. He knew why he was still here, he was
comfortable, maybe too comfortable.

As for the other rest...

Geoff looked at the tattoo again and remember how he ended
up a bouncer.

It had been The Battle of Tall Pines that caused that to come to
pass. Some fifty years ago The Horde had be destroyed finally but
the effects it's rampage lingered to this day. Tall Pines had been a
small town between the elven woods and the human kingdoms.
Tall Pines had been attacked by remnants of The Horde. The High
Guard had been sent to stop them, they failed, by the time they
arrived Tall Pines was dead.

More accurately it was undead.

Major Geoffry Griffonbane had lead a detachment in through the
north side of the town with orders to destroy any and all undead
that were encountered. They called it "The Battle of Tall Pines"
after it was over. It had been like no battle any of them had ever
seen before. A battle? Not even close. The creatures had been laying
in ambush waiting for new "recruits" to volunteer. The zombies were
supposed to be mindless since their sorcerous master had fallen in the
great city of Lanta nearly fifty years before.

Mindless and easy to dispose of... They had developed some kind of
intelligence.

They marched into the north side of the town expecting a dirty
job of killing mindless enemies only to find a superior force waiting
for them. Every building had been packed with waiting horrors. As
soon as the first door flew open the Major knew they were in trouble.
He rallied his troops into a tight group and they tried to fight their
through to to link up with the other detachments near the center of
the town.

The other High Guardsmen found themselves equally surrounded
as they fought their way to join the others to form a unified fighting
force. Swords, axes, warhammers, and other weapons rose and fell
striking undead flesh more often than not killing a walking horror
but with their sheer numbers the creatures all but overwhelmed
the tightly packed ranks of troops as they fought to simply stay alive.

They made it to the center of the town and met the remains of
the other three detachments. One-thousand High Guardsmen had
entered Tall Pines. Less than two hundred escaped after setting the
town alight with torches and oil. Geoff had been the highest ranking
officer left alive and had been the one to give the order to burn the
town to the ground.

"Are ye planning on using a chair to sleep in instead O' yer bed
now, Geoff?", were the first words to make sense to Geoff. He
winced slightly as he lifted his stiff neck forward. "Is it morning
already?", he muttered. He glanced at the window and saw that
storm was still blowing as hard as it was last night. Grenna, Grund's
wife, gazed at the empty mug sitting on the table, "It's not like you
to drink enough to doze off, Lad. is something troubling ye?", she asked
with a slight look of concern on her face. Geoff chuckled slightly, "Nah,
just three mugs. I was having trouble getting to sleep. I haven't seen
it rain this hard here before.", he looked at Grenna with a raised eyebrow.
"Oh it comes like this abut every ten or fifteen year, give or take a bit.",
as an answer to the unspoken question.

Grenna picked up the empty mug as she left the table, calling over
her shoulder, "Best be gettin' ready, Geoff, Grund'll be needin' yer
muscles in the cellar later today. Geoff frowned in thought for a
moment, Fresh kegs of Grund's house brew to bring up. under his
breath, "Better get some breakfast first". Sparing the window one
last look he noted that the storm had picked up again.

Upstairs another set of eyes looked out a window without really
seeing the raging storm. Ellori sat at the small dresser in her room
with a dispatch case beside her. She had read the dispatch several
times since having received it from her commander. She broke her
gaze from the window long enough to look through her pack for a small
silver case and extracted one of her small cigars. Snapping her fingers
she called forth a small flame and lit the cigar. She inhaled deeply and
slowly exhaled the fragrant smoke and turned her attention back to
the parchment on the table before her.

"Locate and recruit Major Geoffry Griffonbane (ret) for a mission
of the utmost import to the Elven Nations and the Treaty of Lanta."

The orders were more explicit in detail after that but the first part
looked like it might be harder than the rest of the mission together.
She had memorized his description and the bouncer had to be him.
But... How did a High Guard officer end up here throwing ruffians out
for room and board as a bouncer? She'd read the reports surrounding
his choice to retire from active service after The Battle of Tall Pines
but couldn't understand his reasoning. Command had given him it's
highest commendation and had even offered him a promotion for his
action but he had blamed himself for losing the town and over eight
hundred Guardsmen.

Grund shook his head in wonder as he watch the big human lift the
two twenty gallon kegs onto his shoulders and make his way casually
up the stairs. Each keg had to weigh as much as the dwarf but looking
at Geoff carry them, you'd swear they had to be empty. He looked
over the edge of the vat nodding in satisfaction. The next time he
drew beer from this particular vat would be next month. He moved
over to the next vat and sampled the contents, Yup, he thought, just
strong enough to make any dwarf happy but weak enough not to leave
most other people unconscious for a week. He walked over to a vat at
the far end of the cellar and drew a cup full from it and grinned at the
smell alone. True Dwarven Ale was something only dwarves could drink
and stay sober past the second or third mug.

Installing Mods for SMF

Installing Mods to enhance SMF is fairly easy and will
allow you to expand your SMF forum's functionality to
no small degree.

SMF main site link

Go to SMF's site and select the customize link at the top
of the page. This page will let you select both Mods and
themes for SMF. Look though the Mods they have to find
the one(s) you are looking for*.

*A word of advice, only try one new Mod at a time to see
if any of them are going to conflict with each other. This
makes it easier to trace a problem.

Now the step by step...

1. Make a folder on you computer named SMF Mods. You
can save the Mod files to this folder to make it easier to
find them later.

2. Download the Mod(s) you want to the folder you made.

3. Log into your SMF forum and click the ADMIN tab/button.

4. Inside your admin panel click the Packages link. The page
this brings up will show you what Mods are currently available.

5. Click the Download Packages tab. This is where you will
upload your Mods. Look for the box marked: Upload a Package
Simply click the browse button to find the mod file on your
computer and then click Ok after you find the file. Next just
click the Upload button and sit back while it uploads.

6. after the file is uploaded it will give you the option to
apply the mod. Just click the Apply Mod link and follow
the on screen instructions.

An important note: Some Mods will require that you modify
your current theme before they will work properly. Most
Mods will work on the SMF Default theme automatically.


And that's it...